Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Were You Really "Just Kidding"?

Every now and then I have to reprimand my daughters for being rude to each other.  There are 3 of them and sometimes the older 2 gang up on the youngest or the younger two gang up on the oldest.  One of their favorite excuses for being mean is, "I was just kidding."  "Oh really?", I reply.  "Do you think that just because you were "just kidding" it makes your sister feel better?"  They think about it then realize that a sincere apology is in order.

Kidding and joking cannot un-ring a bell.  Once we speak something hurtful on purpose, the words "just kidding" only make it worse because now it seems like we are making light of cruelty.  Not only that but don't you think people know the differene.  We are all guilty of saying mean and hurtful things to people.  Once we realize that we have rang that bell (saying something that we regret), a sincere apology should follow.

Even if we have hurt someone unintentionally we should apologize.  What if we are not sorry?  You know, maybe you said something that needed to be said but it was not in a loving way.  More out of anger?  Once the dust settles you will feel bad but pride may prevent you from apologizing right away (at least that's the way it is for me). 

At that point, give it to God and ask for His guidance and forgiveness.  Sometimes an apology isn't necessary and changing your attitude is all it takes.  Actions can definitely speak louder than words.  If you do apologize, don't continue to make the same mistake.  Eventually your apologies will fall on deaf ears.

I am very bold and outspoken.  That can be good or it can be very bad.  I used to speak w/o thinking which didn't always turn out good.  As I get older, I gain wisdom about bridling my tongue or atleast speak in a loving way. 

......But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
James 1:19 New American Standard

Kidding and joking should be kept to a minimum (unless you are a clown) and never at someone's expense.  You can be funny w/o acting like a fool.  Keep wisdom and knowledge close by.

From my heart to yours,

Starla D Espinoza


  1. Thank you for writing something I've always wanted to write.
    This has been a soap box of mine many times.
    I hate when someone does this when it's obvious they were not joking.

    This just goes back to the learn how to 'tame your tongue.' We have to think about what we are saying and how we are saying it.
    Thanks Starla!

  2. As I "mature", I do try to wait to speak my truth. Now, I try to make a comment in a language of love. Poor God had much work to make me hear that verbal retaliation was not something I needed to "win".
    The "just kidding" get out of jail free card leaves indelible marks on someone elses' heart.

  3. Thanks Starla for your post.

    I can't tell you the number of times I have had people say (particularly family) who say something hurtful, then there is silence, then the words 'I'm only joking! Don't be so sensitive.' Gets me every time and yes it does make it worse....

    I like to have a conversation in my head now, as I think about what has just been said, and learning to pray a blessing on the person, give it to God there and then... it's a process and learning it... hopefully I will get there in the end.

    Words are so powerful. We should be using them to upbuild and encourage, rather than bring someone down.

    Blessings in Him,

    A x